Sex in the First Date

Before, sex just happened after marriage. Just illegal prostitutes would sell it. Religion had an active role controlling society's behaviours, values and morals.

Today, sex happens whenever a woman wants, because men seem to be always available.

Since religion lost ground, women's repressed sexuality was released.

Today, the only moral concern, might be having sex on the first date or not.

Women tend to have sex with someone they are interested in building a relationship.

Men tend to have sex with everyone that is attractive to them.

When these two people meet and have sex in the first date, it can happen that this man comes back for more occasional sex or he can immediately move on to the next one.

And that woman, in the end, will feel used, frustrated, disappointed.

Why this happens?

There is no emotional attachment. They don't know nothing about each other, they don't even know each other.  So, There's no reason to care about the other one.

Also, many men still judge women who have sex in the first date, as promiscuous. They believe that this woman is having sex with all the other men in the first date. So they are not special. Just one more. They'll lose respect and interest.

It's hypocritical cause they are doing the same. But this is how some men are. 

If the woman is interested in having a relationship with a certain person, getting the know better the other first and give it time to develop feelings, it's playing more safe. 

Cause no man that is not starting to have feeling and is not having sex, would stick for long. 

A man that got to know the women's personality, lived experiences  together, shared moments, more probably will fall in love than man that just had sex with a stranger. 

And a man in love will do everything for his lover. In that moment, sex will be a form of deeper connection. He will not leave her after having sex. 

After all, They have a relationship.

It can also happen that none of them are interested in more than occasional sex, or that both want to keep seeing each other. 

But that is playing a game of probabilities. 

Deeper Wounds - Love and '"Family"

"The family's wounds take longer to heal.

The wounds originated by the closest family creates traumas, profound affection needs and a void too hard to fill.

The impact of an absent father, a toxic mother, an aggressive language - shouting and a child raising with no affection or sense of protection, causes more than the classical low self-esteem or fears hard to overcome.

The difficulty of overcoming   is in the brain that was damage very young. The stress experienced in very tender ages, changes the structure of the brain, as well the structures associated with emotions. Causing a deeper vulnerability, and an emotional abandonment, responsible for a higher risk of suffering emotional disorders.

The family is our first contact with the social world, if our basic needs are not fulfilled it can influence our whole lifetime.

Why is so hard to heal the wounds suffered in the begging of our life? 

Our society's culture tells us that the family circle is a fundamental pillar - However this not always happens.

The last place someone thinks that is going to get hurt, betrayed, disappointed or even abandoned is, without a doubt,  inside their own family. However, that happens more frequently than we can imagine. Is the duty and obligation of these figures of reference to provide us the best, trust, encouragement, positivity, love and safety. Sometimes they fail intentionally or unintentionally. 

For a child, a teenager or even an adult, experiencing this kind of betrayal or this kind of disappointment in their own family possibly develops a trauma to which we would never be prepared.

The betrayal or lack of affection in the family is more painful than a simple betrayal between friends or work colleagues. It's an attack to our identity and roots.

Family's wounds are inherited to the following generations.

A family is more than a genealogical tree, more than sharing the same genetic code and surnames.

Families share stories and emotional legacies. Often traumatic pasts are inherited from generation to generation in many ways."

Love and Desesperation

There are people that really really want to be in a romantic relationship. Sometimes it seems that they try it with everyone that pops in..

Maybe because they don't want to be alone anymore, or their friends are all in relationships, or they are getting old and want to have a baby, before it's too late.. 

But, how those people really know they want the other person, if they don't even really get to know the other one, the personality?

They don't even know if they like them, if they are compatible.

How you know you want him/her if you don't know him/her. You don't' know his/her personality.

Based on what, you want to be in a relationship with that person? Exterior? Expectations? Your hopes and dreams?

It comes across desperate..

Get to know him/her to realise if you like him/her and if you are compatible. 

One of the common mistakes is showing too much interest too early.   It can make you look desperate.  This is a huge problem as people want a confident person who provides a bit of a challenge and makes them earn that kind of attention.

 As the conversation progresses and she/he  proves to have a great personality, show a bit more interest

 There’s nothing less attractive  than seeking for the other's approval.

So to get someone interested in you, focus on having a satisfying life outside of that person. Peruse the activities and hobbies you love. Eat well and exercise, as that will boost your mood and help you feel good in your body. The more you can fill up on things that make you love life and feel good about yourself, the easier it’s going to be for you to naturally attract someone. 

Are you living a relationship of one? 

Check for signs, don't create an emotional bond that doesn't exist:

• Listens to you
• Wants to stay longer
• Wants to see you again - makes plans
• Stays in touch with you
• Feels jealousy
• Puts in the effort to help you out
• Is available
• Brings you around his/her friends
• Compromises
• Asks for your advice
• Tries to please you

Love and Mr . Rigth

Mr. Right will magically appear when he will get tired of spreading his sperm everywhere possible. But, you need to be the lucky girl to be there when it happens. Otherwise, another girl that is "lucky" to be around will get that Mr. Right. Normally, age helps to speed this process and also weight gain.  A good challenge can sometimes turn the frog into your prince! Yep.. the old story of "play hard to get"..

But Mr. Right can appear sooner if he is shy, or fatty, or hypochondriac or is not proud of his penis. 

Ms. Right is, normally, more romantic and believe in the existence of her perfect Mr. Right - the one that possesses all the phycological and physical qualities she dreams of.  And that's why she will face many ugly disappointments until  she buries her high expectations and just starts to feel happy to find someone that really loves her and she loves back.

Et Voilá, finally she found her Mr. Right!

There are no Mr. and Ms. Right. "We are all wrong people looking for someone that accepts our imperfections." 

Toxic Love

Romantic relationships makes us feel good, happy, but it can consume us and deeply shake our self-esteem, if we blindly follow in love in a toxic relationship. 

Even blindly in love, there are several signs that help us to recognize it:

• Doesn't make compliments or return
• Controls all your steps
• Doesn't trust you
• Makes you always feel guilty
• Tries to change you physically and/or psychologically
• Never appreciates nothing you do
• Makes you feel you aren't good enough
• Lies and/or cheats
• Isolates you from your friends and family
• You find yourself looking for approval
• Constantly underestimate and criticises you
• Dominates you
• Makes decisions for you
• Is not much affectionate
• You don't feel yourself
• Makes you suffer

Usually toxic love turns into a dependent and obsessive relationship.

Nothing good comes from keeping feeling the victim. It just makes you feel worse emotionally, takes your power away from you and slows things down. 

Take responsibility for your feelings and move on from this toxic love. Free yourself!

Love and Seduction

The Flirting, the mystery, the teasing, the shyness, the playfulness, the expectations, the excitement, the nervousness, the charm .. It's all part of seduction, the human mating ritual. And it means there is an attraction. Hopefully mutual.. 

Normally, women are more indirect and subtle than men in the seduction "game". So subtle that, often, men miss the signals. 

Female seduction signs

• Touches her hair (she might feel a bit nervous)

• Talks louder with her friends (tries to attract his attention)

• Laughs louder with her friends (tries harder to attract his attention)

• Acts more girly (wants to look more attractive)

• Adjusts her hair, clothes, jewelry (wants to make sure, she looks good)

• Makes eye contact (the green light!)

• Smiles (the invitation for approach!!)

• Finds a way to be closer (he missed all the other signs, and she tries to make it easier his approach, by going close to him)

• Asks a question, like: "where is the toilet?", do you have a lighter?" (He, still, didn't do nothing. So, she subtle approaches, pretending to need help)

• Warmly engages the approach (He finally approaches and she wants to make him feel welcome)

• Speaks enthusiastically

• Stands close to him

• Makes a subtle touch

• Asks personal questions, like: "where are you from?"(shows interest in getting to know him)

Male seduction signs

• Tries to stand out

• Makes eye contact

• Smiles

• Looks friendly

• Approaches

• Tries to be funny

• Compliments

Why is seduction important?

Seduction is a form of showing interest in other person and simultaneous trying to understand if it's reciprocal.  
It's a form of letting a person know that someone wants to know them better, engage a conversation, probably to initiate a relationship.

Without seduction, the selection of partner would be like a practical questionnaire, an agreement, a deal. No emotions involved. 
Maybe, it would take us back to the marriage of convenience, or arranged marriages. 

The Male and Female Roles in Seduction

It is expected man to make the first move. So, he finds some courage, and overcoming the fear of a possible public rejection, approaches a strange.

Confidence seems to be an important key in seduction. To transmite a confident body language and speech to the woman. Or at least, appearing confident and relaxed, even if not. 
If a man doesn't believe he is good enough for the woman, she will not believe either. If we don't like ourselves, how can we convince others to like us?! 

Men are rejected many times during their lifetime, sometimes in a humiliating way, in public. That creates frustration and gradually affects their self-esteem. 

And that's why the dating apps and dating websites are so successful. It just erased the anxiety of the approach and the public rejection. There is no public place. It's a virtual place.
Maybe, after the date. there will be rejection, but not like approaching a stranger in a public place, with your friends watching, without knowing what would be the reaction. 


Even so, men still want women to be women and to let them do the conquering. It seems to be part of their male role, their masculinity. It's a dynamic that also exists in the animal kingdom. 

Like man, the male also seduces the female by showing off attractive colors, loud sounds, strength, and other features, to be chosen by the female, for mating. 

Like the female, it seems that is the woman that makes the selection, but in reality, as her seduction signs are so subtle, non-verbal and passive, she is just selecting from the ones that selected her. 
In fact, she is just waiting for someone to approach her, to whom she, also, feels  attracted to.

More and more women are taking a more active role in seduction. But, those strong female seduction signs seem to immediately ring sex, to men. 
So, these female attempts, often, ends just in sexual encounters. 


Should women invert roles and actively select her partener?  
Obviously, the changes of a female public rejection are much lower, as men will hardly refuse a possible opportunity for sex.

There's no right or wrong, really. It all comes to what makes each person feel good about themselves, what feels right. 

Love and Social Acceptance

Living in society involves expectations. 

Everybody is expecting something from you: 

The good child, 

the good student, 

the good friend, 

the good citizen, 

the good buyer, 

the good appearance,

the good manners, 

the good driver, 

the good neighbor,

the good worker,

the good spouse, 

the good parent,

 the good values,

 the good everything..

People are expecting others to be the best to match their expectations. Even, if, they don't match their own expectations. 

Normally, love will be given as a reward, when the individual was good in something and not before, not as incentive.

There's a big pressure from society to the individual.

The individual, that is growing in the society, feels the natural need to please, to feel accepted, loved by society or by certain society's groups.

This need of approval can be directly seen in the social networks, where the individual feel approved, by society, through the likes.

People should try to be their best selfs and compete with themselves to be better, so they can offer the best to others and live in a better society. 

But, this development is interior, emotional, spiritual.. this is what makes better people.. 

Not by being the best student by memorizing things other's discovered long time; 

Not by having the best car and house of the neighborhood;

Not by being in their best shape and wearing trendy clothes;

Not by being very polite, without really meaning it.

Money, appearance, status are not values.

It has its importance, as we are dependent of money and live in society, but are not what makes us important, significant, better...however and sadly,  it is an easy way to be accepted and loved by the big majority of the society.

The Romance of Modern Love

Today's love is not so much about love, but oneself - "me".
Can you make me feel how I want to feel? 
Can you give what I want?
Are you the perfect person for me or can I find someone better than you?

Someone just like me would be the perfect match. 
Is that how perfect we consider ourselves?

The modern romance is with ourselves. We are so in love with the image of ourselves and with the idea of someone loving us.

Maybe it would be easier if we just marry our ego, with whom we are so in love. 


Maybe we should have a taste of our own love, by spending some time alone with ourselves, to see how bitter or sweet our love is..we are..


We should love ourselves and look for someone that makes us feel good, but looking for an extension of ourselves is just surreal..

It' s useless to look for the perfect love..
It's a waste of time to wait for the perfect love..
... it simply doesn't exist.

How can perfect love exist if we - humans are not perfect?

We are unique, complex and deeply imperfect creatures.

Love and Parenting

Parents are the first contact of the child with the world.

The world of the family is what the child believes to be the world. From them, they will build their understanding of the world

This is how they will understand basic concepts as love, right and wrong, good and evil, support, punishment, family,

Parents are the first and the most important role models.

They will use the teachings, they learned from the family, in their relationships and in their adult life.

The parents' behaviors will probably be copied. The education they are receiving, will very probably be similar to the one they will give to their children.

These teachings will remain in their unconscious mind, even without them knowing or wanting.

And that's why the love of the parents is so important. 

Being a parent is not simply to provide a roof, food, clothing,  hygiene and rules.


The way you treat and educate your children will not just affect the future adult, but it will also affect your relationship with them forever...

Hurting your child is not just beating and shouting is also the emotional abuse, the exposition to violence, the negligence, the comparison, the constant criticism, the lack of affection, a hostile home environment.. making them feel worthless, a burden.. 

The children believe and trust you, so when you call them lazy, worthless, dumb, . They will believe you. And they will fight hard in the future to overcome that. 

...these actions creates traumas in the child.. 
...invisible wounds that will hurt forever..

It deeply affects their self esteem, the way they see themselves.. 

The understanding of values and morals can be damaged.


The adult is a giant and the child is little and defenseless. Intellectually and physically defenseless.. so when a parent verbally or physically attacks them, it is not education -  it's abuse... 
They are little but they have feelings.. they just don't know the world yet as you.

Your authority will not be respected this way...your child will not respect you, will just fear you and accumulate resentment. 

What you are doing and saying now to your children is the relationship you are building with them, for the future. 

You are the ones showing them what is a relationship, what is love, what is support, what is right and wrong, what is bad and good .. 

They will take to their life that basic concepts you taught them. And they will adjust them and work with them through their lives.

Whatever was the education you had (even if it involved violence, humiliation)... your children don't need to go through the same.. A child doesn't have maturity  and knowledge enough to understand their actions and your expectations. They weren't born taught.

They just have needs and desires and want them to  be satisfied. They are not trying to annoy their parents. They just want to have fun. The adult world is very boring. They need stimulation, they want to discover and learn...

It is not the children that should understand us, but we that should constantly try to understand them. They are not mature  and intellectually developed enough yet.


The lack of affection can turn a child into a needy person or have the opposite effect and turn into a cold and distant person, or an angry adult. 

When they don't receive affection, they will very probably look for that love outside the home, in friends, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives. But because they might be so needy their affairs may fail many times

These traumatic and bad experiences creates emotional and psychological obstacles that take time to overcome.. sometimes a lifetime...and requires maturity... some try to forget them through drugs, alcohol, strange behaviors.. some represses it and end in depression..

A child should be a child... joyful, curious, naive, dreamy, active .. and they should have a childhood...with stimulation, support, love, affection, care, teachings, conversation, understanding, fun, patience, protection, respect ...

The child that you punish, the child that you slap, the child that you call names, the child that you ignore, the child that you lie to, the child that you shout..

..Is going to be same adult that is going to be with you in the future...

..and this adult will remember everything you did and said. It will not be forgotten. 

Don't blame your children for your frustrations, problems,  ..don't punish them  for what happens with you..

They didn't ask to born, you chose to. 

And you are in charge.. they are dependent on you..Make the time you spend together pleasant.. this experience doesn't need to be bad.. 

Have fun together. Enjoy this time, when your children still have all the time of the world for you...

Make good memories...when they grow they will remember everything they lived with you...

Your future relationship with your children when adults, will have this as the basis.. 

If you don't make activities with your children that includes them, where they can also have fun; as they grow, they will look to spend time with other people, cause there's nothing in common with you and it have been always boring.

if you think that your children are too young to understand the explanations to their questions, they will look for the answers in another place.

If there's no "communication" while they are children, as they grow they will not look to talk with you about their lives. Cause there's simply no connection.

Aren't your children whom you love the most? So why treat them like that? Why making them feel like that?

Would you treat another family member like that? a friend? or someone who doesn't follow your rules?

Would you like to be treated like that?

Remember.. your children will walk your steps..

Love and Marriage

"I take you to be my wife/husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and cherish, till death us do part." 

The merge of two "I" in one "we".

The Ceremony

Nowadays, marriage is a symbolic romantic ceremony between two people in love, to formally assume their relationship to the society. 

It can be through an institution, like the church, or just the legal signing of the union contract, for the government. 

After that, normally, comes the traditional celebration of the marriage - the wedding. Where both families and friends gather together to celebrate.

And as in every good party, there's always food, drinks, music and dancing.

Today, wedding is a business. An expensive party where people spend money they don't have, to impress people they shouldn't need to.. supposedly their close friends and family. 

Then, the couple will celebrate their official union together in the honeymoon. That ideally should be in somewhere paradisiac and expensive.

After going through all these rituals and promising in front of the society: exclusivity, eternal love, companionship, honesty, commitment, obligations, starts the married life.

The Married Life

The newly married will, now, learn to live together, learn each other daily habits, deal with finances, responsibilities, disagreements, adversities, share new experiences, have children, help each other, fight together to achieve their dreams.

Write their own story together.

If they were living already in a non-marital partnership it's more a matter getting the legal rights.

Their reasons

Men marry looking for a second mother to make their food, wash their cloths, make their bed, clean the house, make the shopping and have children. They are taking theirs father's role.

Women marry to  live the fairytale with their prince charming. The love story. The happy end.

These two creatures marry together having different perspectives of marriage and looking for different things in marriage.. but it works if the other fulfills their needs.

If the man makes the wife feel like a princess and the woman treats the husband like a baby, it will work. Cause that is what which one is seeking. 

For both marriage is  symbol of solid connection, stability, safety and comfort.

After years, both will realize that friendship and respect is what will maintain the marriage. Or it will be "I will stay with you till lust do us apart".