Like the egg and the chicken, the same dilemma. What came first love or infidelity?
Cheating has been happening for so long..
It seems that in every romance there is always infidelity. Even in the most beautiful and magical love story there is always a stain.
Who was never cheated somehow?
What is cheating?
Cheating is betraying someone's trust.
Cheating can just exist if there were promises of monogamy.
Cheating is everything that has an emotional and sexual purpose that was promised to just one person.
It can be feeling sexually attracted to other, pretending to be single, flirting, secretly keeping in touch with an ex, engaging in sexual conversations, kisses, having sexual encounters, getting emotionally involved, etc.
In the end, It will depend on the expectations we created in the other person, the illusions, the promises.
Why people cheat?
Well, there are all kind of excuses from "I was drunk", I wasn't getting enough sex in the relationship", "we were always arguing", "I was seduced", "it was the routine", "I wanted to try new sexual stuff that I cannot have", "I thought I might found someone better", "my partner isn't dressing sexy anymore, "I don't feel attracted anymore", and many others.
Hidden behind all these and others excuses is the wanting of feeling desired, the need for attention, the lost seduction, missing passion, sexual intensity, the excitement of the forbidden, running from the routine, the wanting what we cannot have, wanting to be another person, the enthusiasm of the discovery, the desire of change..
..The strongest hidden message might be "this is not working"..
Who Cheats more?
The fact is men look for cheating more actively... they might be the ones to start the flirt...but that doesn't mean that men cheat more than women...It takes two. Another person is needed to commit it.
So, the number is the same. A man cannot cheat alone.
The woman might not not know the first time, in the beginning but not after a week, a month, years...
Does it worth it?
Does it really worth it to put our relationship in the line?
Do we have more feelings for our affair than for our partner? than for the live we have together? What about our children?
No? So why doing it?
It is hurtful, abusive, immature and selfish.
There's another person here. Another person that is living a lie, while we are living our secret life.
This isn't something that we would lightly tell to our parents, children, friends, nobody, isn't?
Cause it's not a good thing to do. There's nothing to be proud of.
Wouldn't we feel ashamed if somebody knowns? Wouldn't our family be ashamed? What people in our city would think about us?
Why doing something that makes us fell guilty, instead of trying to fix our relationship?
Or why just not breaking it once and for all?
Telling or not telling?
Could our relationship survive and rebuilt? the pain...scars, tears, resentment, the broken trust, the feeling of rejection...
Who knows! It's seems lots of hard work, patience, the true forgiveness, healing, maturity, growth...
...After all, the fairy tale is over.. being cheated is the realization that "we are not the perfect happy couple" and "I am not special for my loved one"... It's a lot to take in..
When you truly love the other and yourself...cheating doesn't go here! There's a conflict in accepting it.
But, when you don't truly love your partner or you don't love yourself.. you will easily forgive cheating.
Can we avoid infidelity? Is there a cure?
It depends.
Is the infidelity just about desire and lust or it's related with us wanting to ignore that we don't love the other anymore, and our relationship isn't fulfilling us anymore?
If you still love your partner and is just something sexual, only dialogue can help you to get what you need from sex.
And is very important to keep ourselves away from places where people are "looking for love". We cannot desire what we don't see.
If cheating is also emotional...maybe it's time to end your official relationship..
Maybe we changed and the other doesn't fulfill us anymore.
Just we can know. We have to understand ourselves..
Maybe to avoid infidelity and adultery, some eastern cultures allows the man to marry more than one wife, with the knowledge of the first or/and second wives. Having the duty to provide for all of them equality.
Unfortunately, that doesn't apply to women too. Maybe, acknowledging the nature of man, his urge for sex and his weakness to resist cheating. Or maybe just for pure sexism, chauvinism. Who knows.
But even in the west, in open relationships where you are allowed to have more sexual partners, cheating seems to happen too..
What about people that doesn't cheat?
There are people that don't look for cheating. That's true! But what happens when the opportunity is presented? Even without being looking for it... there...easy...available... beautiful...irresistible.. a colleague from work hitting on you, a sensual photo sent by an ex.. just one time... nobody will find out..
How many people would resist it?
Hopefully many..
Cheating is an illusion.. a fantasy
Your affair is making you feel all of this, but formalize it, marry your affair.. bring it to the real domestic life.. let's see where is all that difference. Let's see how long the magic, the excitement will last!
And...are you sure you would trust this person to be in a relationship with you? After all, you have been cheating with this person, that was your "partner in crime". Can this person be trusted?
Would it work?
When loyalty is a meaningless word
Cheating is not just hurting the other, is cheating on ourselves too. Cause we are in that relationship too. That is ours too. This is something we built too. And, now, we are destroying it.
We are on it too, but, by cheating we making it fake, empty, superficial, a lie.. and this is what we are living...
...this is our life and how we choose to live it... cheating is a lie...where we are someone's time's thief...
We always have the choice.
There are animals more loyal to their couples than humans..
