Mother-in-law or Monster-in-law?
Just because she is an older adult, doesn't necessarily mean she is mature enough to deal with her emotions.
Maybe she is jealous of you, or emotional insecure and needy, or a control freak, or maybe she is just doing to you, the same her mother-in-law did to her... and whatever you do or say will not change it. The problem is not in you.
To make things worse, sometimes is not just the mother-in-law that is toxic, but also others in-laws...
Maybe she is jealous of you, or emotional insecure and needy, or a control freak, or maybe she is just doing to you, the same her mother-in-law did to her... and whatever you do or say will not change it. The problem is not in you.
To make things worse, sometimes is not just the mother-in-law that is toxic, but also others in-laws...
1 - She says mean and hurtful things
She never misses an opportunity to let you know that you are not good enough for her son. It can be comments on your appearance, on your life choices, or others indirect negative comments.
Normally, it comes masked with a fake smile. She may pretend it is not intentional, but, in fact, she is trying to get under your skin.
Normally, it comes masked with a fake smile. She may pretend it is not intentional, but, in fact, she is trying to get under your skin.
2- She tries to turn you and your husband against each other
She may "naively" says "he said" or "he did" and do the same to him. She may talk about what he used to do for his ex and is not doing for you.
She may "naively" says "he said" or "he did" and do the same to him. She may talk about what he used to do for his ex and is not doing for you.
She is using poisonous conversations to cause argument between the two of you.
3 - She shows you a negative side, that she hides from everyone else
She behaves as an innocent mother for her son and as a respectful and nice lady for the family and friends, but for you, she is judgemental, critical and intimidating. And, if you tell anyone, they will probably not understand and think you are the one that don't like her. You will end up looking bad.
4 - She put herself in the middle of your decisions as a couple
She gives her unsolicited opinion, that, in really, is not just an opinion, but what she thinks should be done and expects to be done.
5 - She pretends she cares, but it's all show
There will be times, when she is nice to you, or compliments you, that might make you think that she is starting to accept you. Don't delude yourself. She might be just trying to get some information from you or because she is in front of other people. Soon you will realize that nothing changed.
There will be times, when she is nice to you, or compliments you, that might make you think that she is starting to accept you. Don't delude yourself. She might be just trying to get some information from you or because she is in front of other people. Soon you will realize that nothing changed.
6 - She competes with you
Anything you say or do, she always want to prove to be better in all areas, like cooking, housekeeping, culture, others.
7 - She tries to control your husband
Maybe she can not dominate you, so she may try to overpower you, by talking with her son and manipulating him to do what she wants you to do.
7 - She tries to control your husband
Maybe she can not dominate you, so she may try to overpower you, by talking with her son and manipulating him to do what she wants you to do.
8 - She doesn't respect your space
She comes to your house uninvited and unannounced or even if she calls first and you don't answer, she comes to your house, anyway, and insistently rings the bell and knocks the door.
She comes to your house uninvited and unannounced or even if she calls first and you don't answer, she comes to your house, anyway, and insistently rings the bell and knocks the door.
9 - She treats you like a child
She makes decisions for you, she implies that you don't know how to properly do stuff.
10 - She is always right
She never admits when she's wrong and she never apologizes. Instead, she will try to cover or blame other person. Normally you.
She never admits when she's wrong and she never apologizes. Instead, she will try to cover or blame other person. Normally you.
11 - She spreads rumors and gossips about you to other family members and others
Normally, this happens when she realizes she can't dominate you. The problem is that she might be successful, as you don't know what is being talked and cannot defend yourself.
12 - She never thanks or appreciate nothing you do
Your accomplishments are insignificant and whatever you do for her or give her she will never show appreciation.
13 - She expects submission
She expects you to adopt her opinions, religion, culture, language, appearing to every family event, learning her way of cooking, because her way is the best way.
14 - She plays the victim
Plays emotional games with your husband, making him believe that she treats you like a daughter and she doesn't understand why you never want to visit her, or spend time with her.
Plays emotional games with your husband, making him believe that she treats you like a daughter and she doesn't understand why you never want to visit her, or spend time with her.
15- She compares you with all the other women of the family.
She will indirectly compare you to the other women of the family, even to his ex. How their proposal was better, how their wedding was better than yours, how their houses are better, how they are more intelligent, everything. Everything in the others will always be better than you.
How to deal with Toxic In-Laws
- Be patient
- Nod your head, smile and ignore
- Limit your interactions with them
- Play naive too
- Be realistic. Don't expect them to change
- Accept that these are the in-Laws you have
