What is, in fact, Sex?
Sex is an important part of relationships.
Sex are sensations, pleasure, an explosion, a liberation, a relief, it's physical and can be emotional.
Sex can be an act of love. Passionate and intense, with feelings.
Sex is very intimate, involves getting naked; exploring and feeling other's person body; having other's person body part inside of other and exchanging internal body fluids.
Sex is not like eating chocolate, as I heard somewhere. It's an experience. An intimate experience.
The society is obsessed with Sex
Society lost the shame and dressed its sassy clothes.
All we hear, today, is how to give pleasure, how to perform certain positions, how to have multiple orgasms, should I shave it all, the best foreplay, sexual toys, sexy clothing...
Everybody seems to be obsessed about sex.
People are relying on sex to meet people, to start relationships, to not be cheated on, to maintain a relationship, to feel desired, to feel attractive.. to be loved...
Sex and desire are powerful. It can drive people to do anything...but we shouldn't let it control us. Sex has the importance we give to it.
Sex should happens naturally, should be a form of enjoyment, connection, bonding, building intimacy.
And not a competition, an exhibition, a list, a goal, a comparison, a pressure.
Is Sex a need?
Some people try to explain this, as the natural human need. If we want to go to the human nature, we can say that sex is a primitive need/urge for procreation.
But, our society is not obsessed with sex for procreation. But for lust, for pleasure.
So, this has little to do with the primitive human nature.
More likely to be related with us being constantly stimulated, from everywhere (Tv, advertising, clothing, movies, music, etc).
And is there where you can see the difference between someone that loves you or just want to have sex with you. A person that is in love just want to make love with a specific person.
Love is what distinguishes us from the majority of the animals.
Sex in the first date
Before, sex happened after marriage. Just illegal prostitutes would sell it. Religion had an active role controlling society's behaviors, values and morals.
Today, sex happens whenever a woman wants, because men seem to be always available.
Since religion lost ground, women's repressed sexuality was released.
Today, the only moral concern, might be having sex on the first date or not.
Women tend to have sex with someone they are interested in building a relationship.
Men tend to have sex with "everything" that moves.
When these two people meet and have sex in the first date, it can happen that this man comes back for more occasional sex or he can immediately move on to the next one.
And that woman, in the end, will feel used, frustrated, disappointed.
Why this happens?
There is no emotional attachment. They don't know nothing about each other, they don't even know each other. So, There's no reason to care about the other one.
Also, many men still judge women who have sex in the first date, as promiscuous. They believe that this woman is having sex with all the other men in the first date. So they are not special. Just one more. They'll lose respect and interest.
It's hypocritical cause they are doing the same. But this is how some men are.
If the woman is interested in having a relationship with a certain person, getting the know better the other first and give it time to develop feelings, it's playing more safe.
Cause no man that is not starting to have feeling and is not having sex, would stick for long.
A man that got to know the women's personality, lived experiences together, shared moments, more probably will fall in love than man that just had sex with a stranger.
And a man in love will do everything for his lover. In that moment, sex will be a form of deeper connection. He will not leave her after having sex.
After all, They have a relationship.
It can also happen that none of them are interested in more than occasional sex, or that both want to keep seeing each other.
But that is playing a game of probabilities.
Love vs. Sex
Anyway, why sex comes first than love?
Is sex that important, that urgent that needs to come straight away?
Why looking first for sex and after that for love?
Why meeting first the body and just after the person?
Is the body more important than the person?
Why are we choosing to have sex instead of making love?
Love is caring, sex is pleasure
Love is emotional involvement, sex is physical involvement
Love is giving and receiving, sex is giving and receiving
Love compatibility is very important for the success of the relationship
Sex compatibility is very important for the success of the relationship
Why are we separating sex from love?
Shouldn't sex be a part of love?
Shouldn't they complement each other?
Are people following the movies, where there is sex in the first date, or are the movies following the culture, the people?
Who knows... but something is obvious, love is being left for second place.
People are more interested in living their sex life without feelings, without restrictions. If a relationship comes after that, it's a plus!
Is not wrong or right.
We are just trying to realize what people want. And this is what they are looking for: briefs moments of pleasure with a stranger.
If that makes people happy, there's nothing wrong about it. The important is feeling good about ourselves!
The Oppression of Emotions
We came from very oppressive and hostile societies for feelings and romance. Where love was not important. Marriage was a business arrangement. Marriage was a form of political, social and economical alliance between families.
Love was just existed in the songs, in the poems, in the plays and novels.
Today, we have the chance to freely love, to be in a relationship for love, to make love, to marry for love, to live a love story....but we are more concerned about having sex..
Men were obligated to marry with a stranger, to serve the family interests. So many were having sex with prostitutes, mistresses, domestic servants.
Today, man freely chooses his girlfriend, his wife. So why many keep looking for sex out of the relationship?
It was always expected from man to be tough, but today is more acceptable a sensitive, romantic and emotional man.
So why are men still running from their feelings? Looking for sex instead of love?
Women fought so much for equality, but why are women trying to be equal to men also in behaviors?
Women fought so much to not be submissive to men, but are women still trying to please men, by giving them what they want?
Women fought and fight so hard to not be a sexual object, but aren't women being a sexual object, when they let men use them and trow them away?
Women always complained about the male sexual behaviors. Why are they copying them?
Maybe women is still learning to deal with all this freedom.
Men never hid who they are.
Women couldn't show. They were too controlled and dominated.
Now, we are starting to see who women are.
Maybe women just want the same as men, but they were too oppressed before..
So, was Love just an invention of the arts?
Are we reinventing Love?
Or are we distorting Love?
Or maybe the human race just needs more time for spiritually evolution, to mature their concept and understanding of love. Maybe another century...
